The Guardian and the Restless
by Bibliophallic
Summary: You are Mituna, and you heard of a powerful Guardian (John Egbert) that lives atop this mountain. Everyone tells you that you're crazy, and that you'll doom everyone, but you don't care. There's a question that you need to ask him, and nothing in the world is going to stop you.


A sallow figure works his way up to the heavy, verdant door, to a castle settled into the rocky face of a mountainside. It looks vacant. The way the shutters whistle against the heavy cliffside wind is soothing at best, and harrowing at worst. He passes a sign to his left, written in bright stark red lettering. He doesn't even read it. He already passed a couple hundred on his way up here. "Something, something, point of no return; blah, blah, you will surely die; whatever the fuck." They all say the same thing.

The trolls around these parts believe that the place is haunted by a horrible malevolent daemon, with the power to destroy them all. They think if they just leave him alone, they will be able to set him at ease. BULLSHIT, you say. If there's something up there, you're going to see it for yourself! As you go to knock on the door, the hinges swing outward, almost knocking you back down the stairs you came.

"Shit!"

You flail your arms madly, desperately trying to regain your balance, before finally taking time to observe the interior. There is a stoic-faced horn-less black-skinned troll standing in the doorjamb, dressed in a fine pastel suit. His eyes are white. Almost irridescent. "Ah hello, Mituna." he says, with a horrid chill in his voice. He knows your name. How does he know your name?! You don't remember telling anyone you were coming...

" EHHH... HI?"

"You're right on time."

"I AM? THAT'S A FIRST!"

"I suppose you've come to ask me something."

He really seems to know everything... It's kind of creepy, "UM... YEAH."

"Well, out with it."

"WHY DOESNT TULIP LOVE ME ANYMORE?!"

"Because you are abrasive and unruly." he answers, matter-of-factly "This is somewhat of a shame, though, for it is not an aspect that you can change. I wouldn't worry, though. Someone else will come along."

You can't help but let a whimper slip past your lips. The very idea of your sweet, precious Tulip falling into anyone else's arms was just too horrible! It's upsetting. You feel like curling into a ball and tearing out your hair.

You do just that.

"Please, refrain from crying." The well-dressed omniscience strolls over, glaring down disapprovingly over your prostrate form. "You will find, I am not accustomed to the role of caretaker, and I surely do not feel ordained to begin now."

"I'M N-NOT GONNA CRY..."

"I know." he really doesn't seem to care either way. There's no empathy in his voice whatsoever. "Is there another request you desire?"

"HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT FOR SOMEONE ELSE? I'M GOING TO BE IN HEAT SOON!"

"It will not be for 17 of your mortal sweeps." the words hit you in the stomach like a cavalreaper's arrow. "I truly sympathize with your plight; but there is no escaping it."

"I HAVE THE WAIT THAT LONG?! EVEN CRONUS GETS LAID MORE OFTEN!"

He simply shrugs. "Cronus isn't physically challenged, either..."

"ARE YOU CALLING ME RETARDED?!"

"Perhaps I am. Perhaps you are. I do not deal in half-truths." What a fucking know-it-all asshole. He really seems to be in dire need of an asskicking. Maybe that's a side effect of being born omnipotent.

"I AM NOT!" you scream at him, indignantly, "DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY I HAVE TO WEAR THIS FUCKING HELMET?!"

"Surely you're going to tell me..."

"I SAVED MY FRIENDS, BY SHORTING OUT MY OWN BRAIN!"

"Yes, and as a result of that catastrophic occurence, where do you stand?"

"..." You let out an furious sigh. He's right. You're a shadow of your former self...

"It's time to come to terms with the world as it is. You are no longer the troll you once were." Is this why you came up here? For an answer to a question you were too afraid to ask?

"Do not make a fool out of yourself by pretending to be."

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!"

"There is nothing for you to do. Your role in life is at an end. Such is the folly of the mediums' cruel riddle. After our purpose is finished, it casts us aside; like pawns on a chessboard."

The hot, acrid tears sting at the corners of your eyes. They beg you to set them free. It hurts so much. You just want it all to stop... You have to bite down on your wrist to deal with the pain. The flesh therein is gnarled and worn, from several sweeps of repeated abuse. You can't help it. You hate yourself. You crave the suffering.

"Truly pathetic."

Growling, you climb to your feet; lunging at the curious man before you. You clutch your fingertips around his throat.

"Here we go."

You lift him up off of the ground. He hardly seems fazed... Almost bored, really.

"I suppose you expect me to ask you to stop."

You pin him against the wall, eyes sparkling in fury, as he bares his teeth and hisses aloud. Maybe you can't beat him into submission, but you sure can fuck him into submission!

"Please, Mituna. Stop kidding yourself.

"There's no way it would work. Between us, I mean;

"I'm omnipotent, and you're hardly present."

His hand tightens around the guirdian's throat.

"Yes, let us continue in this futile farce."

"SHUT UP!" You practically howl at him, livid in your frustration.

"I hardly find that a welcomed development...

"Although, I would like you to lower me."

Gritting your teeth, you throttle the man, and slams his cold, unforgiving features into the cold, unforgiving floorboards beneath them. "NOW HAPPY?!"

"Considerably."

His indifference is infuriating! You can't seem to affect him in any way whatsoever! "WHY ARENT YOU ANGRY?!"

"I simply don't deem it a necessary response to the eventualities of life's formalities." he answers, disconcertedly. A better question is...

"Why are you?"

"YOU'VE BEEN INSULTING ME!"

"I have simply stated the truth.

"Why are you so offended by your current existence?"

No, that's not true. He's been nothing but a lying asshole this entire time! ...Right?

"T-TULIP SAID I WAS IMPORTANT! THAT I HAVE FRIENDS WHO LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM!"

"Latula was weak. She didn't have the heart to let you see yourself as you really are; as do all semipotent beings. She craved to see another's happiness. I, being unleashed from the bounds of mortality, have no such need for companionship." He jeers, almost gloating over his power. At least, assuming a creature with two facial expressions can jeer at all. "I exist merely to serve the powers that be."

You finally release your acceder, turning, and pulling off your golden helm, tossing it into a corner, and wrenching at your hair...

He climbs to his feet, and turns to look out the window.

"I'd rather not observe the events that soon follow."

"PLEASE... KILL ME..." You beg, simpering in the fragments of your life.

"Really. You would ask me to deprive you of the satisfaction?" he tuts, laden in shame.

"You are fully capable."

"I DON'T CARE! I JUST WANT THIS TO END!"

"Of course..." he furrows his brow, as green sparks and flecks of lightning begin to accumulate around his body.

You close your eyes, hands balling into fists.

"Do you have any last words you wish to share as the dearly departed?"

"I-I'M SORRY FOR HURTING YOU..." you mutter into the churling, electrically excited air.

"Very well...

"I suppose that is all." The energy starts to grow fiercely opaque until he is completely obscured

"Goodbye."

You nod, finally allowing the tears to flow free. Finally; you will be at peace. You can rest now. Suddenly, you find your entrails as disparate as the furniture; organs and blood exploding at the speed of light, into every corner, nook, and cranny of the ornate living space; coating everything in sight in a thick layer of gore.

He gathers the colossal mess instantly, with his spatial prowess, and sends it into the sun.

He sighs, heavily, looking up into the bright blue sky. "It's a dirty job..."

"But I guess somebody has to do it."


End file.
